Tuesday, July 20, 2010

No, I don't have a point.

I saw this on the back of the new Chelsea Handler novel hardcover edition, "Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang": On living with her boyfriend - "He's like a big toddler, the difference being, he does not cry when he wakes up."

One of the really cool things in the US is how you can pick up a book and read it (obviously without paying for it) in book stores like Barnes and Noble or Borders. I don't know if you can do that in India. Can you? Ironically, I have not done that here as much as I would have liked to, in a previous avatar. You see, I cannot read a book when I do not feel, for lack of a better word, good. I used to gobble up books back when I was in school, the numbers dipped dramatically when I was in college (undergrad), and the average over the last few years has become embarrassingly low. I am not much of a movie or TV person (though I did get to watch The Big Bang Theory, some parts of Season 1 on DVD a couple of days ago and L.O.V.E it), I have been too *word-that-I-don't-want-to-use* to keep in touch with people and currently, I don't have the resources to do what I love: trips, long drives, hikes, treks and outdoors-y stuff in general. Is it just me or does everyone feel that when you really want to do something, some component to it is out of reach at all points of time? So, when people ask me what I do for fun/in my free time (har har), I am at a loss for words. I hate saying, oh you know, reading, because just about everyone reads and unless you are a voracious reader, it is really not worth mentioning. And, a lot of times, I don't even have a book that I am currently reading. When I took a moment to really think about what I do to kill time, this is what I ended up with:

* Reading blogs. Not varied in terms of genre. And, I re-read stuff a lot.

* Walking. Not the exercise kind of walking. I just amble along at my usual pace for hours.

* Fantasizing. No, really. Sometimes, I loathe the absolute waste of time but sometimes it is like I am living in a parallel universe, so there is really no waste of time, if you know what I mean.

And, this is where I drew a blank. That's it. Wow, if this is all I do, all I can say is wow. I wonder if this is not a chicken or egg problem, you don't do much, there are fewer things to do. True to its nature, I am sure I don't know how to break out of this vicious cycle (though I think I am motivated enough to pick up the afore mentioned novel this weekend).

Since this post so far is just refusing to logically lead to show how low I am feeling exactly, I have to start over with this self-derogatory statement: I have never felt fatter or more (or less?) unaccomplished, than I am feeling right now. Or, older for that matter. The last part is understandable, since today is the day I have no choice but to start to state that I am twenty seven years old, wherever necessary (which, come to think of it, is actually not a bad number, after all, I am not going to be some-number-cubed years old for a long time, if at all. Additionally, while I go three cubed this year, my nephew goes three squared. Yeah, there is a reason I like the Big Bang Theory).

I had thought of several posts that I wanted to write yesterday, I even have a couple of drafts, but none of that feels true. The only overarching feeling I have right now is that: I might not have all that I want (or even need), I might have taken more than my share of bad decisions, but I am sure that if I had not done what I have, I would have always wondered what life might have been like, if only.. Sure, I could feel that way even now but I don't. Does that mean something's right now, unlikely though that seems to me, when I am not in a reflective mood? I realize I start off quite a few posts (drafts if not published) full of despair but somehow as I type away, it feels like the world is not coming to an end, after all, though, of course, the problems don't go away. So, is a little perspective all that it took? Or am I distracted by the actual writing (thinking of words, sentences etc)? Or am I subconsciously chickening out at the thought of baring all?

Friday, July 16, 2010

One time assignment

I had this dream last night. Unlike most other dreams, I actually remember this one (or at least most of it).

I am working for a Professor whom I have never met before, even in the dream! Yeah, I know, but I work for him still. I am going to his office to fill out my time sheet. Here's where the fun starts. I am wearing only a towel, as though I just got out of the shower. He is also wearing only a towel (in his office, which has a shower attached). But, he is clearly more modest than I am and slips on a polo shirt. Then I realize he resembles someone I went to college with, a lot. That someone does not have a brother, so I ask him if he has a cousin named X. He says, yes, and how do I know him? I tell him that we went to college together and could he please refrain from mentioning that I turned up in a towel to meet him? Please? After all, I just thought I was going to fill out the time sheet and leave immediately, so what was the need to dress up anyway? And, most annoyingly, he says, yeah, that was not a good thing you did. Hmmmph. I am that unattractive? Damn. End of dream.

Notes:
1. I do work for an Assistant Professor, though the real one is a Turkish man, not the one in the dream. And, no, I do NOT fancy him. Or, X, for that matter.
2. One never has to fill out the sheet in the Professor's office.
3. No professor's office has a shower attached.
4. My towel kept slipping A.L.L. the time.

Wannabe Freudians? Anyone? Want to take a shot at interpreting this?

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Hmmm ...

The last couple of days have been really dull (I am determined to not use the big D word) and I haven't really been doing much. However, hunger tends to catch up with me (NEVER with him).

July 14th.

Me - Hey, can you cook a Maggi for me, please? Please?
He - Naaah, I don't feel like it.

I was kind of expecting it and decided to overlook it. Didn't say a s.i.n.g.l.e word about it.

July 15th.

Me (clearly, looking for character building stuff) - Hey, can you cook a Maggi for me, please?
He - I am doing {insert-bull-shit}. I need to go to {insert-somewhere} in a few minutes.

I feel smug in a masochistic way and get back to my mindless surfing, sprawled on the bed, with the door locked. A few minutes later -

{Knock on door} Did you want one Maggi?

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

On July 11th, I crossed a milestone. I completed 9 years of being an aunt. And God knows how much I have evolved as one. I started out as a selfish, I-couldnt-care-less-about-anything-or-anyone-that-is-not-awesome-freaking-me teenager and hopefully, I have come a long way. To celebrate (albeit from a remote location), I made rasgollas, lachedar parathas with Orissa style gobi ki subzi, all of which tasted pretty good. I should technically link to these recipes which were very well-written and helpful but I am too lazy to ask the blog owners for permission and wait for their approval before I can post (I am already a couple of days past 11th, after all). I can always update the post.

****************************************************************************

It's not my intent to hammer the same old dead horse but I must say one more thing about rotis. It is almost as if the universe conspired to prove to the novice roti maker (obviously not the device, in case you are tempted to mention that) that the adage, "Practice makes perfect" may have some meaning after all.

****************************************************************************

Oh, and did you check this out? I thought it was pretty cool. What say? In case this has been making the rounds for a while now and I made a fool of myself by bringing it up now.. well, I have done worse.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

The tag that spread like wild fire.. and more.

I read a lot of blogs and over the last few days, I have seen so many posts on the sins against gender stereotypes. In the very unlikely case you don't know what I am talking about - it is a tag to list down the things that your gender is generally expected to do, that you do NOT do.

It was fun reading all the "un-womanly" things a lot of ladies like to do and I could relate to a lot of what these interesting people said, be it loving motorcycles, avoiding makeup and jewelry, preferring hard drinks over wine/cocktails, being okay with explicit jokes, going to the movies or eating out alone, willing to take on physical challenges, etc, etc.

But then, I also got thinking about why some things are even gender stereotyped. I guess because a significant number of us actually enjoy those. As for me, I am perfectly happy toeing the line in these ways: reading chick-lit, cooking, letting the menfolk take care of logistic trivialities, analyzing the crap out of relationships, thinking one can never have too many handbags or shoes and that the only thing better than chocolate is... more chocolate, window shopping, mall hopping, talking on the phone for hours, etc, etc.

Good thing is I apparently do all of this in moderation because I have never been accused of being 'girly' or of being a tomboy all the time, maybe one of the two at different points.

As the title of the post indicates, that is not all (duh). Honestly speaking, all these activities, "un-womanly" and otherwise have their respectable place in society. However, there is a lot of stigma attached to other things, which is quite unwarranted (in my opinion) since I find those to be perfectly acceptable too. No, no - I am not talking about controversial issues like pre-marital sex, abortion, euthanasia, same sex marriage and such stuff. I am only talking about simple, everyday stuff. For example,

* Not thinking that maa ke haath ka khaana is the best and nothing can outperform that. My mom is a fantastic cook and it is my greatest hope that I will take after her in this department. But the thing is, I refuse to gush over it or say that no restaurant or no one can ever beat that. Because that is just not true. People like their mothers' food because it is what they grew up eating; they are used to it and hence are comfortable with it. But say that out loud, and people say - ooh, someone's so high and mighty that she doesn't like home cooked food anymore. Huh?

* Not deluding babies with hugs, kisses and baby talk. I like kids and think they are great fun. But, I refuse to forcibly smother them with 'love', talking gibberish all the while. In fact, most kids voluntarily talk/babble to me and indicate their willingness to be carried by me, and this, I believe, is simply because I let them be and do not insist on making them uncomfortable. However, a lot of people are not happy to see that I am not gearing up to be all over their kids.

* Complaining about something that your folks do. I, of course, do not imply that washing one's dirty linen in public is acceptable. I am just talking about things that reasonable people can disagree with and things that are not intensely private/personal in nature. The very same people who do not mind getting vitriolic about their in-laws turn around and judge you if you have any difference of opinion with your parents. Your parents are as human as your in-laws (who, incidentally, are someone's parents as well). It is only natural that your parents are not infallible. And, you, as a rational human being, should be able to disagree with them without being considered a horrible person.

In the same vein, people clamor for privacy. But if someone says living with their parents is tough, somehow, that is not looked upon with favor. I believe it is challenging for two different generations to co-exist in the same house, mainly because of their disparate lifestyle choices, if not more reasons, even if they happen to be one's parents.

This attitude is mainly the offshoot of people mistakenly believing that complaining about your parents implies you do not love them. Gasp. Is it so hard to believe that one might not agree with every single thing one's parents say or might want to have one's own pad and yet love the parents like mad?

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Okay, I previewed this post and it basically reads like my brain farted. Before I am tempted to add to this mish-mash, I am going to bite the bullet and hit 'Publish Post'.

Oh, and by the way, have you ever felt the same way about any of these things (or some others) or am I the only one seeing these white elephants?

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

You know it's a brand new month..

when your rent, utilities, phone and internet bills are due.. yesterday. BAH!

On an unrelated note, I watched the movie, "Marley & Me" yesterday. One guy quoted Mark Twain - "You should never use exclamation points in your writing because it is like laughing at your own joke." Wonder what MT would have to say about smileys.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

On being underemployed...

Other than the very unpalatable idea of not doing what you are really qualified to do, underemployment has some salient quirks about it, not all of which are negative (I know, incredible) -

* Just because your job doesn't deserve you, you cannot very well show up at work in your PJs and slippers. Getting up and ready for work feels that much more difficult (not worth the effort) but it is also good that you have to, otherwise you never might.

* It is actually irritating if you get a task that requires you to use your brain. Hey, if you want all this jazz, pay up!

* You don't feel guilty about doing non-work related things at office - checking your personal email, chatting, taking a coffee break, etc. Similarly, you don't feel the need to exceed expectations.

* Every day, you wonder if your time could not be put to better use.

* Every time you think you have made up your mind to quit and look for a real opportunity, someone or something will remind you that it is always better to be somekindofemployed other than un.

* Most lunch options irritate you - Bah, for the peanuts I make, I am actually having to spend money on this fancy pants lunch.

* You don't care to hide the fact that you are actively seeking other opportunities.

* Filling out time sheets feels strangely depressing. Oops, that's one more week.

* You think thrice before getting that ridiculously over-priced Starbucks mocha to satisfy your entirely ignorable, mid-afternoon caffeine drenched chocolate craving. In fact, you skip it on most days. Good for the wallet and the body. Tastes even better on the days you do buy it. Win-win-win situation.

* Your boss is actually nicer to you than he probably would be if he were paying you what you deserve (to be fair to him, this is just a logical deduction - I am, obviously, comparing him to other bosses I have had in the past). It's almost as if he knows that the money is not enough to keep you if anything else pisses you off.

* There is no need to participate in office politics. Meetings are really to the point. There is no pressure to make an impression on the 'right' people. Sweet.

All in all, it is a mixed bag. Just like... about everything else.