By The Water Cooler

One of my favorite bloggers, Parul, also an author, is holding a CONTEST! (trying to match her excitement when she mentions it in her posts) and is giving away copies of her second book, By the Water Cooler. I am usually not one for contests, even fun ones, but this topic is just too irresistible for me. I mean, I quote Office Space in my sleep, sometimes. So, here's my entry:

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When I joined my first job after graduation, I was mostly unprepared for the corporate environment and did not know what to really, really expect. And, I don't mean the actual work. You know what I mean. What I found the most incredible was the sycophancy. Agreed that it was an off-shore development center of a huge US-based multinational company and keeping your on-site superiors might be important, but still... Let me give you a couple of examples.

Example #1. On one crisis management conference call (in my opinion, only people dying or similar constitutes a crisis, not a few online transactions failing, but that is not the point in question), the onsite manager, Anoop, was letting off steam.

Anoop: This crisis was entirely avoidable. Absolutely no reason why it should have happened except for sheer negligence.
Sycophantic Team Lead (STL): Soor, Anoop. (His favorite phrase in the entire world. I had heard it countless times already and of course, Anoop must have heard it more than that.)
Anoop: I am positive this can be fixed in :ridiculous-quantum-of-time:. Now, don't..
STL (interrupting): Soor, Anoop.
Anoop: Well, and when this fix is dropped in production, please make sure the other required changes are not reversed as well.
STL: Soor, Anoop.
Anoop (exasperated): And, STL, will you please STOP saying, "Soor, Anoop"?
STL: Soor, Anoop.

Example #2. Another crisis management conference call. This call had been going for hours but the issue was just not getting fixed, since it required more working brain cells than were available at 4AM. The time had come for drastic action and the onsite Executive Director logged on to the conference call and was asking for updates from the onsite manager. Sycophantic Team Lead Wannabe, STLW, messaged me separately and told me how this was the greatest opportunity to shine, how he was so not going to let the moment pass, how it was important to work not just hard but also smart, basically hinting that I should learn from his example. He piped up.

STLW: Omar, I have been looking into ABC module... ramble, ramble... I am positive it is just a minor but critical issue when XYZ happens.... so on and so forth... and I think I will have it under control in a matter of minutes, blah blah blah blah.
Omar: Who is this?
STLW (mildly upset that his voice was not recognized but still glad that he was not arbitrarily mistaken for someone else): STLW.
Omar: Excellent. I am going to be on this call till this issue is fixed (remember, it was early afternoon for him) and I don't want you leaving till then. Thank you.

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PS: I was also not expecting to see a whirlwind romance unfold right in front of my eyes. Yeah, two of my teammates fell in love (one was in India, the other in US) through only VoIP calls and met for the first time when he came down to India only a couple of days before they got married secretly. But, that is more like the story line of a 1990's movie rather than your everyday office goings-on, so I will let that rest.