Rohini's hilarious post got me to come up with this one (though her tag is about the ironies of motherhood, I couldn't resist). Oh, and I big pink sparkly heart lists.
1. The first few units of weight gain happen in the body part you are most touchy about. For me, it is the first few ounces that get deposited on my face in the disgusting form of a double chin, making me look like I put on about 50 lbs when I can still fit in all of my old clothes.
2. Starting the day you decide to go for a jog every single day, it rains cats and dogs every single day till you forget your original resolution or lose your motivation, whichever happens first.
3. You see :insert-packet-of-some-ingredient: in the fridge every time you open the fridge and resolve to use it to make :insert-appropriate-dish: some time soon (you are already in the midst of making something else). One fine day, you actually decide to use that ever present ingredient to find that it has disappeared. And you just cannot fathom how.
4. You write a post full of despair and angst towards him and save it in your drafts meaning to publish it when you are feeling a little less resentful and a little more rational, when he springs a surprise on you with a very touching gesture. Shamefacedly, you delete the draft. All too soon, he infuriates you again making you scream in your head that all you had said in your aborted post is true and you should have published it after all.
5. When you are in the mood to simply rant, he plies you with solutions and suggestions. When you ask for his tactical advice, he tells you to do whatever you feel like or worse, "I don't know."
6. When your parents express concern about how they think you are not eating well at all from what you tell them, you reassure them forcefully that you are never going to be mistaken for a Somalian refugee. They now take a U-turn and ask you to be mindful of the problems associated with weight gain.
7. He hates eating out as much as you love it. You finish cooking but call to ask him if we could go out, fully expecting him to refuse and give you mental brownie points for not making a fuss. He asks you to pick the restaurant.
8. After over two years of living in Texas, you finally resign yourself and give up asking him to try Tex-Mex (tacos, burritos, etc) when he points out at a buffet how people are having rajma, chawal, salsa, avocado, cheese, what not wrapped in this roti-like thing, how he thinks it is pretty neat and we should definitely have it again.
9. Your good friend is a movie buff and you have opted out after about thirty minutes of several movies you try to watch together. One day, you resolve to be nice to her and sit through the end of the movie though you get so bored that you cannot even feel your brain seeping out of your ears. As the ending credits roll, she tells you how she couldn't cut short the one movie that you seemed to like, though she couldn't stand the movie herself.
10. To force feed yourself recommended amount of iron, you buy fortified cereal to find out that iron does not get absorbed if you consume it with calcium.
11. The day you decide to stay off something (ice cream, chocolate, chips, fries, anything) is the day it just decides to make itself available in copious amounts.
12. You find something ironic about so many things every day that it is not even funny after a point and you think it is going to be a breeze coming up with a list and then you find out that it takes forever and finally you give up.